Understanding How Six- to Eight-Year-Olds Handle Stress

Children aged six to eight are becoming more independent. They are also more aware of the world around them. They still rely on adults, but their peers and the media play a larger role. School-age children are able to talk about their feelings and concerns in more involved ways than preschoolers, but they may be unwilling to open up or worry about upsetting you. Make sure that your child knows that you are there to talk about whatever is on his mind.

Your six- to eight-year-old is learning to:

• Understand other people's points of view
• Master new skills, learn to take risks and make mistakes
• Make decisions that require a more flexible viewpoint: Six- and seven-year-olds may still see things as either "right" or "wrong," while seven- to eight-year-olds begin to see alternatives to just right/wrong or good/bad.
• Rely on children his age and adults other than parents for information and reassurance. Seven- and eight-year-olds also begin to rely on themselves more.
• Care about what parents, other adults and children her age think about her
• Enjoy play that involves rules and teamwork
• Look for ways to lead as well as follow
• Control his impulses and wait patiently for the "payoff"
• Collect and organize things more

Your six- to eight-year-old may be concerned or upset by these "everyday" situations:

• New school or new friends
• Homework, tests and grades
• Competing with other kids
• Sports or other after-school activities
• Learning barriers
• Pressure to succeed
• Respond to a special recognition for doing well
• Not enough time to do everything

Six- to eight-year-olds often display their concerns through actions rather than words. Here are some things to watch for:

• Engaging in risky behavior
• Headaches or stomachaches
• Nightmares or difficulty sleeping
• Talking less than usual
• Whining
• Losing interest in friends or activities
• Focusing on something too much or not concentrating at all
• Problems at school (low grades, getting in trouble, not wanting to go to school)

Keep in mind that these behaviors may appear in all children at one time or another. If they are ongoing or frequent, however, they can be signs of stress.

Here are some ideas that will help you turn everyday moments into opportunities to share what’s on your mind.

Television time. When you watch shows with your child, point out and discuss stereotypes. Ask questions about the characters such as, "Why do you think the boy carrying all those books is wearing glasses?"

Computer time. Help your child create a personalized home page that expresses her feelings. She can use the colorful and diverse images in StickerWorld to create a tribute to a favorite hero, explore her hopes for the future, or celebrate family events.

Time with friends. Take your child and a friend on an outing. You may learn what is on his mind by asking questions such as, "What is your favorite thing to do together? Why?"

Quiet time. Your physical and emotional reassurances mean a lot. Enjoy a hug and reflect on your child's day. Say things like, "I was proud of you today when..." Follow up by asking, "How did that make you feel?"