Sometimes situations occur in which your child might be hurt or say something that could hurt others. Young children can often be blunt and appear to show little tact. They also have keen ears and learn and echo what they see and hear around them, both the positive and the negative.
Although these situations are never easy to handle, it’s important to be prepared with the right responses to use at these times so that you can react calmly.
Situations like the ones mentioned below are great opportunities to address the anti-bias goals: respecting self and others; noticing unfairness; taking a stand; and developing skills to play, live, learn, and work together. Here are some situations you might come across and suggestions for dealing with them together.
"Taylor, you’re such a baby."
When it comes to name calling, children are not really concerned about what the word means. They want to see the reaction they will get by using it. Children should learn that words can hurt people as much as hitting or biting does. You might say, "Why did you call your friend a baby?" Try to find out what your child’s intentions were. You might also say, "I don’t know if you meant it, but you hurt Taylor’s feelings when you said that. We can’t say things that hurt someone. What could you do to make him feel better?"
"Why does that girl walk like that?"
While young children’s questions may seem insensitive or embarrassing, your child will usually ask questions because he is truly curious. It is important to give your child specific, simple information that will answer his question. You might say, "Maybe her legs don’t move well, or perhaps she was born with legs that aren’t strong. I bet she has to find other ways to do some things that we don’t even think about when we do them." Help your child to see the whole person and not just her disability by discussing with your child things he can do well. Some children might be afraid that they can catch the disability. Be sure to let your child know that disabilities are not "caught" or contagious.
"Why does Suwon talk funny?"
Help your child see that Suwon does sound different when she talks, and that is not a negative thing. Let your child know that it can be difficult for people who are new to this country to learn English. You might say, "Remember how hard it was for you to put on your jacket?" Help your child see that knowing more than one language is an asset. You might say, "Suwon does sound different from you. She is learning how to speak English. That’s not easy. You shouldn’t say that she talks funny. That could hurt her feelings. Suwon is Korean. She speaks Korean at home with her mother and father. Maybe Suwon could teach us some Korean words."
"They said I can’t play because I’m black."
Sometimes children are excluded from groups because of differences they have no control over, such as race, language, or body size. When that happens, console your child and confirm that his hurt feelings are valid. You can also give him tools to use in this situation. Explore together the possibility of reapproaching the group and questioning their response or seeking the assistance of another child or adult.
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